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01 August 2008 @ 11:12 pm
FIC: She Pick Her Way Down That Path 1/1  
Title: She Pick Her Way Down That Path 1/1
Author: pdragon76</lj> 
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Gen
Spoilers: Nope. Safe.
Disclaimer: It’s Kripke’s world, we’re all just living in it. *snaps fingers, points*
Summary: There ain’t no changin’ between.
A/N: Inspired by found_fic_spn</lj> challenge #37. Beta’d by the infuriatingly incorrigible and incessantly encouraging kimonkey7</lj> . I wish coffee for you. Lots and lots of coffee. Peeked at by chocca2</lj> , who apparently still likes me, nonetheless. She’s real nice like that. 

And in today already walks tomorrow.
~Samuel Taylor Coleridge


Year ago, this here park bench be the kind had slats on it. They was wood, had a little give when you sit. Now’days they got some artiste, ask him t’ make some wrought-iron tangle, like sittin’ on a knot ‘a somethin’. Look like a beetle got his legs broke, you ask me.

Don’t stop me none. I sit when I gots to. Stand when I can. Still here most days. Man gets my age, seen the things I seen? The kids does you good, come watch ‘em run. They like fillies and colts, ‘fore they known any hard hands.

Don’t see ‘em much no more. Ones like her. That might be good, might be bad. Done wonderin’ ‘bout that. Yeah. That ain’t nobody business but His. Ol’ fool like me, oughta know better ‘n to mess with folks, but somethin’ in me still won’t let ‘em pass.

I gots to tell ‘em. Try, anyways.

Used to make it quiet-like. Gramma always said folk don’t need that sorta thing loud, but it don’t really make no difference. See, you got people won’t listen, and folks can’t hear, and there a world of hope for one and none for th’ other, and there ain’t no changin’ between.

Generally, my experience.

The three ‘a them, they come down that path, they look pretty as a picture. And it don’t bring me no joy, what I got to say. ‘Cause they look like that lil’ girl, she holdin’ everythin’ in her. She holdin’ all ‘a them and she don’t even know it. The three ‘a them got that look like she gonna solve somethin’. And hell, maybe they right. ‘Cause she young. She got time. Any fool see that.

He tell me to take my filthy hand offa him, that first time. Her momma shrink back like I got whiskey on my breath, but I ain’t touch none ‘a that stuff these days. Her daddy, he pull that little girl behind his leg like I’ma interfere with her or somethin’. Like that why I stop ‘em in broad daylight, park full a’ folk. Say he gonna call th’ author’ties, and there’s a time I woulda been inclined to call that man a dumb sonuvabitch, but that ain’t doin’ no good, so…

Ain’t my filthy hands he got to worry ‘bout is what I settle on, and he get his back up nice, and he got some hackles on him, that dog. But he ain’t havin’ no fightin’ ‘round his girls, so they go on. I watch ‘em some, an’ yeah, I used t’ make it quiet-like, but some folks got potatoes in they ears, need the barn door blown off.

But they still not listenin’. Don’t wanna know ‘bout nothin’ I got t’ say.

He lift her up in his arms as they go, like that gonna make some difference. And she lookin’ at me over his shoulder, and sweet Lord, she like a lil’ angel. You look at that kid, you never know. But that’s the way a’ things sometime.

I ain’t expectin’ her, but she come back the next mornin’. Got a pretty lace nightdress on, and she ain’t got no shoes. She pick her way down that path and I can just tell she ain’t supposed to be out like that. She come down from the house all her lonesome. Walkin’ tight and light, like nobody see her if she do it jus’ so. Holds her hands like that, like she on strings. Like she really jus’ a puppet.

She don’t say nothin’, but she stop and give me a good long stare. I seen it then. She already know. Yeah. She seen.

She musta give him a mighty fright, ‘cause he shoutin’ all the way from the road. An’ his hands, they rough ‘round her skinny lil’ arms. He give her a shake, an’ her mouth pop open, like she want him to see somethin’ in there. But he won’t see. He too busy looking at her, like he finally got it figured out he can’t do nothin’ but fail her.

She look at me again, while he draggin’ her away. And I got no face to give her but the one I got on. Jus’ the way of things.

They good folk, no doubt. Nobody sayin’ they ain’t. Can tell right from the outset, real cryin’ shame. Her daddy done the best he can. He get her a nice start. Nice house. An’ you can jus’ about tell she got the best ‘a things. Toys don’t break, you drop ‘em the first time. Yessir. He buy her whatever she want. But it don’t make no difference. Not the house or that lily-white slip she got on. Give her that good Catholic name he been hollerin’ down the path jus’ now.

It don’t make no difference. Time come, she burn jus’ the same. 

 
 
dragons 10-20: at the coffee table
dragons feels: tiredtired
 
 
 
(I am a rainwalker): capslock bitchultraviolet9a on August 1st, 2008 04:06 pm (UTC)
Holy fudge, this is gorgeous. Amazing narrative voice and you just KNOW that the little girl is going to play a part and WHOMP. The ending line. Awesome, dragonz.
out of your calculations: hugspdragon76 on August 2nd, 2008 10:56 am (UTC)
*smishes you*

Thanks, ultravee. I was pretty nervous about this post, so thanks for such a wonderful first comment.

You stopped my heart banging in my throat. Ta muchly.
love makes the little thickness of the coin: park benchkimonkey7 on August 1st, 2008 04:31 pm (UTC)
There are very few people who can make fanfic this literary and gorgeous. Incredibly hard to believe there are less than a thousand words here, Dragons. It feels like ten times that, in the very best way it can.

*bows at your feet, weeping copious monkeys tears*
out of your calculations: hugspdragon76 on August 2nd, 2008 11:00 am (UTC)
Monkeys, you went above and beyond for this beta, and every word of it was appreciated. Thank you, to the power of eleventy.

Lou: supernatural - John b&wgottalovev on August 1st, 2008 04:52 pm (UTC)
I read that, went to see the picture... and yes. yes. I can see it too, you describe it so vividly. that's a great voice your narrator has, makes me wonder what exactly he is and what he sees. I didn't know who the little girl until the name, reveal was awesome.
out of your calculations: gleepdragon76 on August 2nd, 2008 11:02 am (UTC)
*claps* Yay. Thanks for reading! I'm so glad you liked it, and that the voice and the reveal worked for you. This was waaaaaay outside my normal sphere, so if it hits the mark, I am thoroughly relieved to hear it.

Very scary fic for a Dragons, this one.
irismay42irismay42 on August 1st, 2008 05:01 pm (UTC)
The narrator's voice was captured so well in this story... And what an ominous last line...
out of your calculations: hey youpdragon76 on August 2nd, 2008 11:03 am (UTC)
Hey you. Thanks for reading! I'm stoked you enjoyed it.
shadow_of_doubt: Jared--OMGshadow_of_doubt on August 1st, 2008 05:18 pm (UTC)
Wow. Just. Wow. This is amazing. I was wondering how it was going to fit into the Supernatural world and then when I figured out it was about Mary, I was floored. Wow.
out of your calculations: hugspdragon76 on August 2nd, 2008 11:05 am (UTC)
Bless you, janglies! You know how scared I was, that I had screwed up that reveal? That noone would get it? And I had to give myself this pep talk and say: I DON'T CARE. If they is getting it, they is getting it. If they don't, they don't. It is what it is.

And you got it. So... *tackle hugs you* Thank you.
boogirl: profileboogirl13 on August 1st, 2008 05:27 pm (UTC)
Just lovely. I love the narrator's voice and the sorrow that just flows across the page is palpable. Excellent job, Dragons. This is why you are one of my favorite writers! Is she an outside character or little Mary?
out of your calculations: gigglepdragon76 on August 2nd, 2008 11:07 am (UTC)
*claps, points to the latter* That one. She be that one. *shrieks* Yay.

Thanks for reading, and for Mary-spotting. *chuckles*
chocca: youchocca2 on August 1st, 2008 06:29 pm (UTC)
Yep, *nods* this is definitely one of my favourites from you, Dragons.

Girl, you has skillzzzzz!!! =)
out of your calculations: pornstachepdragon76 on August 2nd, 2008 11:08 am (UTC)
Dude, thank you so much for the read-through and your thoughts. *hugs you*

Much appreciated, my love.
(Deleted comment)
out of your calculations: dean waving ficpdragon76 on August 2nd, 2008 11:09 am (UTC)
Re: powerful little moment in time
*beams*

Thank you for reading. Much appreciated.
arlissarliss on August 1st, 2008 06:59 pm (UTC)
This is luminous, sharp and radiant in its outline and breathtaking in the amount of detail you imply, leaving the reader to embroider at will. Your POV character is a recognizable trope and effective, but not cliched. Really well done, thank you.
out of your calculations: gleepdragon76 on August 2nd, 2008 11:10 am (UTC)
Hey, thank YOU for reading. Outsider POV is a scary thing in this fandom. Thanks for lending this dude your ear. Or eyes. Or whatever. I thoroughly appreciate it.
(Deleted comment)
out of your calculations: hugspdragon76 on August 2nd, 2008 11:11 am (UTC)
Thank you, rinkle. I hope you're having fun in Tassie.

*smishes you*
muffalettamuffaletta on August 1st, 2008 07:35 pm (UTC)
Just wonderful, Dragons. Hearbreaking to see Mary in all her innocence, not being able to escape her future. *sniffles*

out of your calculations: heart pancakespdragon76 on August 2nd, 2008 11:14 am (UTC)
Muffaleeeetttttaaa!!! Hey you! How's your week been?

Thanks a bunch for reading. I'm so thrilled people is picking up on the Mary thing. I was soooo nervous about this post, Muffy. SOOOOOO nervous.

*shows you chewed nails*
(no subject) - muffaletta on August 2nd, 2008 01:34 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - pdragon76 on August 2nd, 2008 01:38 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - muffaletta on August 2nd, 2008 02:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
out of your calculations: gleepdragon76 on August 2nd, 2008 11:15 am (UTC)
*\o/* Yay. Thanks for reading. Much appreciated. Glad you enjoyed it.

*cheshire cats you*
saberivojosaberivojo on August 1st, 2008 11:28 pm (UTC)
I am breathless with this. Beautiful. I love the language. Sometimes dialect is hard to follow but I found myself easy here. Reading as if I was listening. I had no idea who she was until the reveal and even then I had to think about it.

Very, very cool.
out of your calculations: eyesshuthandmouthpdragon76 on August 2nd, 2008 11:20 am (UTC)
*smishes you*

Breathless? Oh, I like you. *beams* Thank you so much, dude. This was such a divergent exercise for me, and I was so nervous about it. When I sent it through to beta, I was shaking a little bit. *grimaces* I was so afraid it sucked. So, I'm very very glad to hear you enjoyed it.

Thanks a bunch.
ewanmax: to me you are perfectewanmax on August 1st, 2008 11:40 pm (UTC)
she picked
the week from hell (don't hit me, I'm still at that job that shall remain nameless - but my coworker went on vacation and so whiner/martyr girl - that would be ME - stuck it out and did 3 people's jobs with no break for 5 days and a lot of mind melting/hyperventilating), haven't had time to breath, but did watch, rewatch, watch, rewatch SYTYCD even if it was around 12:30 at night at home with/invaded by Devin and all her friends (who's complaining I only have 2 1/2 more weeks wahhhhhhhhhh before she goes back to school). Oh yeah addicted - that would be me -.... so anyway, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, you wrote the first time I sit down to look and there you are. So okay going to read right after I buy my overpriced tickets to the SYTYCD tour from our personal/let me rob you blind scalper.

Did I mention that you posting a story made me fan myself.
out of your calculations: gigglepdragon76 on August 2nd, 2008 11:22 am (UTC)
Re: she picked
LOL.

Yeah. Dunno if this one is fanning yourself material. *titters into fist*
Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe: AzazelSigilriverbella on August 2nd, 2008 03:33 am (UTC)
That ole man got the shinin' and mebbe she got it a little bit too.

First of all, I am in awe of the dialect. I live in the South and I couldn't have done it half as well. But more than that, the narrator's simple acceptance of what he sees and understands as 'jus' the way of things' gives a sense of reality and inevitability to what is to come for little Mary. The foreshadowing is all the more chilling for the earthy way it is stated. And in these few paragraphs, I can see the old man and the life he has lead, and I can see Mary's father feeling helpless in the face of the too-much of parenthood and I can see Mary who knows what she doesn't know in the way that young children have and, blessedly, later lose.

Therein lies your art, Dragons dear, that you can show me all that in so few words when few come near it in ten times that many.

Oh, and just so's you won't be all embarrassed over how much in awe of your mad writing skillz I am...HI BITCH! HOW THEY HANGIN'?
out of your calculations: gleepdragon76 on August 2nd, 2008 11:24 am (UTC)
THEY IS HANGIN' IN YO' FACE, BITCH.

Um. Yeah. And thanks for reading. *titters into fist*